Woman at Point Zero

When Firdaus moves to Cairo, she feels as if she’s “being born a second time” (20). The electric light inside her uncle’s home initially makes it difficult for her to see, and the first sight of herself in a mirror is a shock. Although she instinctively knows the reflection is herself, she can’t stand seeing her father and mother in her own face. Firdaus loves school and having the chance to play with other children, and she spends her evenings at home cleaning and tending to her uncle. Still just a child, she often curls up with her uncle for warmth, but after completing primary school and seeing a film that introduces her to the concept of sexual love, Firdaus no longer feels comfortable being close with her uncle that way. She fantasizes about him at night and finds her pleasure senses reawakening, albeit in a different way than before. As she withdraws from her uncle, he withdraws in return and soon marries a woman that Firdaus finds unpleasant at best: She’s “lazy,” leaving most of the housework for Firdaus, and beats her one night after finding Firdaus sharing her bed with a servant girl (only trying to help her warm up).

Her uncle’s new wife soon insists on boarding her at secondary school. Firdaus seems to slowly be abandoned by her family and isn’t visited or taken home on weekends like the other students. A close friend at the school, named Wafeya, criticizes Firdaus for showing no interest in love or in men, and Firdaus explains that she spends most of her time at the library reading various books on history. Most of these books describe men who had an “avaricious and distorted personality” (27) and sought power, dominance, and sex. They remind Firdaus of the men she saw as she walked the streets growing up—and of her father. Unable to sleep one night, Firdaus goes out to sit in the playground and reflect on her life, and an empathetic teacher named Miss Iqbal finds her. Miss Iqbal asks Firdaus what’s bothering her, but Firdaus can only cry, and soon Miss Iqbal is crying in silence with her. Miss Iqbal looks at Firdaus with the same black-and-white, sun-and-moon eyes that her mother once did, and Firdaus feels something deep within her—“something that could have been, and yet was never lived” (30). Firdaus thinks about Miss Iqbal every day and wonders if Miss Iqbal thinks of her. She talks about her to Wafeya, who asks if Firdaus is in love with Miss Iqbal. Firdaus confusedly denies it, unsure how a woman could be in love with another woman. When she imagines the moment with Miss Iqbal, the black eyes encircled by white as “large as the sun” (31) consume her vision.

Firdaus excels in her classes, and when she’s called up to receive her certificate at her graduation ceremony, she feels frozen to her seat. Miss Iqbal comes to usher her up, consuming Firdaus with her eyes once again and, in taking her hand, inspires a deep, “remote pleasure” (33) in Firdaus. She helps Firdaus receive her certificate and takes her back to her chair, and that’s the last time Firdaus ever sees her. Still, in the last few days of school, Firdaus constantly searches for Miss Iqbal. When school ends, Firdaus’s uncle takes her home, and she finds herself constantly glancing back in search of what she never really had. Living with her uncle, she’s seen as secondary and sleeps on the couch in the living room near his bedroom. One night, she overhears her uncle and his wife talking about her, discussing what to do with her and whether she might get a job and leave the house. When her uncle shoots down the idea of sending her to university, his wife suggests having Firdaus marry her uncle, Sheikh Mahmoud. Recently retired, Mahmoud is decades older than Firdaus and has a large, open boil on his face. When her uncle brings up these points, his wife points out that Firdaus herself isn’t very attractive and would be “lucky” to marry him. Firdaus then listens as her uncle and his wife engage in intercourse that sounds violent and all-consuming. The next morning, Firdaus decides she must leave and packs her few belongings before saying goodbye to her young cousin. On the street, she feels as if she has been thrust into an entirely new world and as small as “a pebble which someone had tossed into [the street’]s waters” (41). She soon becomes hungry and feels uncertain of what to do or where to go. At night, she feels as if someone’s staring at her with ill intent—or as if the threat of death or something far worse is near. She decides she has no choice but to return to her uncle’s house.

Firdaus doesn’t remember what led up to her marrying Sheikh Mahmoud; all she remembers is feeling desperate to avoid the prying eyes she had felt on the street. She tolerates Mahmoud’s sexual attention, despite its being unwanted, and feels disgusted after each encounter, particularly because of his age and the constantly oozing wound on his face. Mahmoud frequently yells at her over small mistakes and soon takes to beating her instead. When he beats her violently with his shoe, Firdaus seeks her uncle’s support, but he and his wife explain that “all husbands beat their wives” (44) and that a woman’s duty is to obey. After enduring this treatment from him for a while longer, Firdaus finally leaves one day, covered in blood and bruises. She finds a cafe and begs for water, and the owner soon arrives with tea and introduces himself as Bayoumi. He offers to let her stay at his home until she finds work and, on the way there, asks whether she prefers oranges or tangerines. Firdaus realizes that no man has ever asked her before what she preferred, nor has she ever thought about it. While staying with Bayoumi, Firdaus experiences kindness for the first time—but it’s short-lived. When Firdaus suggests finding work, Bayoumi hits her, accuses her of disrespecting him, and then punches Firdaus in her uterus. He starts locking her up when he goes to work and rapes her frequently, which Firdaus endures, “emptied of all desire” (50). Bayoumi’s friends assault her too, treating her violently and calling her slurs. One day, a neighbor sees Firdaus through a window, crying, and Firdaus explains that she’s being held captive. The woman helps free Firdaus by having a carpenter open the door, and Firdaus runs out into the street once more.