The Hand That First Held Mine

The narrator describes the modern-day Elsewhere office, which has become The Blue Lagoon Café and Bar. The description follows a woman across the street, recalling important moments between Innes and Lexie. The sun comes up and Ted enters the café. As he leaves, he remembers being held at a window by a woman with multicolored threads on her cuffs. He almost recalls her face but is interrupted.

The narrative returns to Lexie, who has been avoiding Felix at Theo’s third birthday party. Theo has just blown out the red candles on his star-shaped cake, which is studded with chocolate buttons. Felix tells Lexie that his married life is horrible, that Margot has had multiple miscarriages, and that he hates living in Margot’s family home. Felix tells her that he’s planning to get divorced. She evades his invitation to lunch, thinking instead of her trip to see Robert Lowe.

Simmy is taking Elina, Ted, and Jonah to his parents’ house for a weekend. They stop for lunch in a little seaside town. They wander around checking menus and rejecting options. Jonah is hungry so Elina goes to sit on a bench and feed him. Simmy brings her a sandwich after a little while, but Ted has gone off by himself. After Elina eats, she looks around for Ted. When she can’t see him she goes up a set of steps for a better view. She sees Ted: For a moment Elina thinks he’s going to jump in the sea, even though he never swims. He instead rears back and falls to the ground. Elina runs to him. Simmy is already there and takes Jonah while Elina rides in the ambulance with Ted.

At the hospital, they wait for a long time. The doctors tell them it was a panic attack: There is nothing physically wrong with Ted. Ted is still easily startled and disturbed. He says that he knows everyone has been lying and that he doesn’t know what to do. When they are cleared to leave, Ted jumps out of bed and says he needs to go back to London.

The chapter begins, “This is where the story ends” (307). Lexie, Robert, and Theo are at the sea at Lyme Regis. Lexie gets a kite and flies it with Theo. They then find Robert and sit together on the beach. Lexie decides to go for another swim. Robert watches her swim for a few minutes before turning his attention to Theo. After a few more minutes Theo stands up and asks twice where his mother is. Robert tries to find Lexie in the ocean but can’t see her, nor does he find her on the beach. He picks up Theo and looks again, running down the beach to some fishermen and asks for help. Robert and Theo wait on a bench for some time while the search continues for Lexie. Robert keeps Theo warm and gives him his stuffed cat. Then the police officers pull something—Lexie’s body—out of the water and tell Robert to keep the boy away.

The narrative switches to Lexie’s point of view as she recognizes she can’t get back to shore. She struggles against the waves. The only thing she thinks of in those final moments is Theo. She fights with everything in her to survive, but she loses the battle with the sea; her last thought is that she wants Theo to know how hard she tried to get back to him.

Ted, Elina, Simmy, and Jonah arrive back in London, and Ted insists they go to his parents’ house. When they arrive, Ted confronts his father with a copy of the photograph from the earlier exhibit and asks who the woman is. Felix tells Ted the truth: that the woman in the picture is Lexie, Ted’s mother. He further explains that she drowned in the sea at Lyme Regis and that Margot has raised Ted since he was three years old. Margot comes in and Felix tells her that Ted knows everything.

There is a flashback to Ted’s arrival at Felix and Margot’s home after Lexie’s death. Felix and Margot argued about Ted and Lexie. The next morning Felix tried to get Ted to go with him to the garden. Margot suggested Felix start gardening, saying Ted could join him later. She offered Ted ice cream, calling him Theodore. He said he wasn’t Theodore but rather “a sharp pair of scissors” (323). She tried again to get him to take some ice cream, but he said he didn’t like it. She felt inadequate, and while she stared out of the window at the garden, she felt the sting of Felix’s affirmation of her fears. Ted came up next to her and asked if Felix was his father and the garden was Ted’s. Then, he asked if Margot was his mother. Margot was intensely moved; his question “seem[ed] to unpick the threads of something that [had] been knotted at the very core of her for a long time” (325). She said that she was.

Simmy sits with Ted while Elina goes to see Felix. Ted has been bedridden since the confrontation. Felix and Margot argue about Lexie’s possessions, which Felix wants to give Ted; however, Margot has thrown most of them away. Felix says he’ll give Elina the typewriter and the paintings. Margot says the paintings were always hers, never Lexie’s. Felix is about to yell at Margot when Elina rings the bell.

Felix asks after Ted, and Elina says he’s still in bed. Felix apologizes for everything he did: He can’t stop talking about Lexie and the night she died. He begs Elina to understand. He tells her about the typewriter and some pictures. The pictures are the paintings, and Lexie tells Felix she can’t take them; they are valuable and must be properly transported. When Elina arrives home, she climbs into bed with Ted and reads to him from Lexie’s articles. This rouses him; he turns to Elina and asks her to keep reading.