Tenth of December

Al Roosten waits nervously behind a screen while a “cheerleaderish blonde” pumps up a crowd at a charity bachelor auction for an organization called LaffKidsOffCrack, which uses clowns to promote an anti-drug message in schools. Al looks at Larry Donfrey, a realtor wearing a swimsuit, and considers his attractiveness, then recalls his teenage questioning of his own sexuality, which confirmed that he’s straight.

Donfrey heads on stage and is greeted by cheers. When Al walks down the runway, it is silent until someone gives him a “pity whoop” which becomes “a wave of mercy cheers” (91)/ Al interprets these as genuine—he thinks he has outperformed Donfrey, since he didn’t need to wear a swimsuit to get this level of applause.

Al is put in a cardboard jail cell with Donfrey, who he now feels affection for. Donfrey tries to comfort Al for his poor showing, which causes Al’s feelings about Donfrey to shift toward anger at his phoniness. Internally, Al mocks Donfrey’s wife and children as pale and waif-like. Al doesn’t have children, but he lives with his sister Meg and his three nephews, who are “[…] all-boy. And how. Possibly too much so” (95). He briefly thinks of his nephews as Nazis before empathizing with them because of their parents’ divorce. He pities Meg and worries that if he loses the shop he owns, which is a possibility, she will have to find more work.

As the silent auction begins, Al sneaks into the changing area and finds Donfrey’s clothes. Still angry, he kicks Donfrey’s wallet under some risers, considers confessing, and then kicks Donfrey’s keys underneath the risers, too.

Donfrey comes in talking about his child who is excited to finally have a surgery to correct a leg disability. Al overhears and considers empathizing, but he leaves anyway. While driving, he remembers his mother once telling him, “You have what is called moral courage. When you know something is right, you do it, no matter what the cost” (98). The memory troubles him, and he imagines his mother scolding him for kicking the wallet and keys.

Al pulls into a driveway and considers if he can go back without being blamed, imagining a scenario where he pretends to help search for the keys and wallet before suggesting they look under the risers, which leads to an invite to Donfrey’s home. His fantasy becomes more elaborate: He becomes close friends with the Donfreys in their mansion, and when he eventually reveals he is to blame, the Donfreys thinks it’s funny and a testament to his “moral courage” that he came back.

Al realizes he won’t go back, then imagines his mother comforting him: “Why beat yourself up about this and, in so doing, miss the beauty of the actual moment?” she asks (102). He drives off, and when his good mood is interrupted by thoughts of Donfrey’s child missing her surgery appointment, he declares it negative thinking and focuses on improving the shop he owns, which goes so well in his mind that he imagines himself running for mayor.

At the shop, Al sees unhoused people loitering and judges them. As Al wonders why he does anything, he imagines attacking one of them, giving him “a valuable lesson on how to behave” (106). When the man smiles at him, Al smiles back.