So You've Been Publicly Shamed

S&M is an abbreviation for sadomasochism, a form of sexual role play that involves enacting a consensual exchange of power dynamics and the experience of pleasure or pain between partners. A sadist derives sexual pleasure from inflicting pain on another while a masochist derives sexual pleasure from experiencing pain. S&M encompasses a wide range of activities, from bondage and discipline to dominance and submission, often involving the use of various tools or implements. Participants in S&M relationships may take on dominant (the one in control) or submissive (the one relinquishing control) roles, and the activities are guided by established boundaries and safe words to ensure the well-being and consent of all parties involved. S&M is a subset of BDSM, which stands for bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. Ronson discusses S&M as a situation in which shame is not destructive.

Schadenfreude is a German word that means feeling of deriving joy (freude), satisfaction, or pleasure from someone else’s misfortune (schaden) or humiliation. This feeling especially arises when individuals take joy in witnessing the downfall, failure, or pain of someone they envy, resent, or dislike. Schadenfreude can manifest in various situations, from gossiping to piling onto online criticism about someone. Ronson identifies schadenfreude as one of the dominant emotions that leads people to derive pleasure from witnessing or participating in public shaming, even when the person being shamed is not a public figure.

Shame is a painful emotion characterized by a profound sense of personal failure or inadequacy that arises when individuals feel they have violated societal norms, personal values, or expectations. Feeling shame can lead to a sense of worthlessness and self-criticism because it relates to one’s sense of self-worth and identity. In turn, this can lead to difficulties with mental health and self-esteem. It can also be used as a verb to describe the act of humiliating someone for their actions.

Online public shaming can significantly damage the recipient’s personal and professional reputation and may even cause them to lose their careers. In some cases, shame is used to enforce conformity to societal norms and values, as in the case of Lindsey Stone, whose reputation manager told her to stick to bland, uncontroversial topics when using social media. Ronson describes shame as one of the most powerful toxic emotions.