Is She Really Going Out with Him?

“I am not a phoenix. I am a dazed pigeon, looking for crumbs. But I am fine with that; being a phoenix looks exhausting.”

This quote reflects Anna’s acceptance of her imperfect journey of self-discovery. The mythical creature symbolizing grand reinvention, the phoenix, represents societal pressure to emerge from challenges as a dramatically transformed, triumphant figure. In contrast, Anna likens herself to an ordinary, bewildered bird simply searching for sustenance, highlighting her approach to personal growth. She embraces the small, incremental steps that define real progress by rejecting the need for an extreme transformation.

“Am I dead wood?”

Anna harbors deep insecurities about her relevance and sense of purpose. The metaphor of dead wood depicts something lifeless and no longer growing, highlighting her fear that she has stagnated romantically and personally since her divorce. This moment encapsulates her struggle with self-worth as she questions whether she is capable of passion, love, and new beginnings. Asking the question reveals an underlying hope as she seeks reassurance that she is still vital and capable of change.

“The table on the other side sits empty, wiped clean, a reminder that no one sleeps there anymore.”

This quote captures Anna’s lingering grief and loneliness in the aftermath of her divorce, developing The Challenges of Navigating Life After Divorce. The image of the empty, wiped-clean table is a stark visual metaphor for Dan’s absence, emphasizing the void left in her life. The cleanliness reveals her attempt at moving on, yet the emptiness remains a constant reminder of what she lost. The moment emphasizes how divorce is not just an emotional separation but a physical one as well. It reflects Anna’s struggle to redefine her life and identity beyond marriage.

“I am riled and infuriated and ready to punch something, but my skin tingles also with a new exhilaration.”

Anna declares war on Will but experiences an unexpected thrill, revealing her first feelings of attraction to him. The physical sensation of skin tingles suggests that her confrontation with Will awakens something within her. The new exhilaration reignites her passion and drive, establishing the complexity of their relationship, where rivalry and chemistry intertwine

“I realized that among all the things he wanted to change about his life—his hair, his job, his waistline—I was on the list too.”

Anna painfully realizes that Dan saw her as something to be changed rather than accepted. Listing superficial aspects like his hair, job, and waistline emphasizes Dan’s dissatisfaction with his life, implying that his desire for transformation included his marriage. Anna’s placement on the list highlights that she was not an equal partner in their relationship but rather another problem Dan sought to fix, deepening Anna’s sense of rejection.

“[T]his is definitely not the kind of hookup anyone is looking for on a first date.”

Anna’s joke plays on the double meaning of hookup, contrasting the literal act of catching a fish with the modern slang for a casual romantic encounter. The quip underscores the disastrous date with Neil and reflects Anna’s self-awareness and tendency to use it as a coping mechanism when faced with disappointing situations. The joke is an example of Cousens’s use of humor in the story. It reinforces mismatched expectations in dating, a recurring challenge in Anna’s romantic journey.

“I can see him physically expanding, like a silverback gorilla puffing out its chest. I want to reach over and pop him with a pin.”

Anna frames Will’s behavior as primal, exaggerated, and performative. She finds his self-assuredness both impressive and exasperating. Her desire to deflate him underscores her frustration and resistance to his ego, revealing her instinct to regulate his confidence rather than indulge it. Anna’s wit and tendency to challenge Will fuels their chemistry.

“The only good thing about divorce is you can use it as a get-out-of-jail-free card.”

Anna’s divorce gives her a socially acceptable excuse to avoid uncomfortable situations, like a second date with Neil. While divorce grants her freedom, it also carries pain and disillusionment. Using the phrase as an excuse equates to using her past as a shield against vulnerability. The passage reveals Anna’s internal struggle between Embracing Change to Achieve Professional and Personal Success and fearing the uncertainty of moving forward.

“Caleb […] is like a child with a treasure map, everything an opportunity for adventure.”

Caleb’s youthful enthusiasm and adventurous spirit contrast sharply with Anna’s more measured and cautious approach to life. His carefree attitude reminds Anna of what she has lost in Balancing the Demands of Motherhood While Pursuing Self-Fulfillment, as well as professional and post-divorce struggles. Anna is at a stage where stability matters, while Caleb is still chasing experiences, making him a bad match for her. Anna is briefly swept up in youthful excitement at the party, which leads to her getting a tattoo, a physical reminder that she can still embrace joy in life.

“All these apps are designed to create an itch you can never truly scratch.”

Anna’s statement critiques the superficiality and instant gratification culture dating apps foster, where real, meaningful relationships are often sidelined in favor of fleeting interactions. She sees online dating as addictive and unsatisfying, employing the metaphor of an itch one cannot fully scratch. Anna believes the apps leave a feeling of constant, unfulfilled desire because the platforms are structured to keep users in a perpetual cycle of searching, swiping, and matching without reaching a genuine connection or lasting intimacy.

“It’s only women who seem to have a sell-by date.”

Anna feels the societal pressure placed on women to remain youthful and desirable, with a “sell-by date” symbolizing a point beyond which they are considered less valuable or attractive. Her statement critiques how women’s worth diminishes as they age, unlike men, who aren’t subjected to the same scrutiny. The metaphor evokes the objectification of women, reducing them to commodities rather than individuals with intrinsic value. This reveals the gendered double standards in society, where women are often judged for their appearance and age while men aren’t.

“In my belly, a tiny roller coaster freewheels down a bend and spins into a loop-the-loop. It unbalances me, like an intrusive thought, a sensation I don’t want to be feeling.”

Anna experiences conflicting emotions in her attraction to Will, employing a metaphor to describe feelings of unease in her stomach to a roller coaster. The sensation of being on a roller coaster demonstrates that Anna feels caught off guard by her feelings and is simultaneously thrilled and anxious about what they mean. The roller coaster’s loops mirror the disorienting and overwhelming quality of the sensation, as though her thoughts and feelings are spinning out of control. Though she and Will don’t appear compatible, she can’t dismiss or deny the feelings she’s having.

“The firm warmth of his skin is so comforting, but beneath that, there is another feeling refusing to be dampened.”

This passage reveals Anna’s internal conflict as she experiences a complex emotional reaction to being close to Will. His touch brings a sense of security and intimacy, providing comfort and reassurance. However, there is an underlying tension, as their connection is forbidden since they’re coworkers. Anna is struggling with emotions that she can’t quickly suppress and is torn between the comfort of physical closeness and the discomfort of her inner turmoil.

“He’s reinvented himself as ‘Daniel,’ he’s become a totally different person, living in a different house with a different woman, and here I am, just the same.”

Anna feels stagnant compared to Dan’s transformation and new identity. Her tone is dissatisfied as she contrasts her lack of progress with Dan’s apparent reinvention. This highlights her struggle regarding embracing change to achieve professional and personal success, as she feels frustrated and inadequate to reinvent her career and herself.

“I guess some things in life you don’t get to choose; you can’t choose the plot, but you can choose the soundtrack.”

Loretta’s urging to listen to Fleetwood Mac precipitates Anna’s acceptance of life’s unpredictability and limitations. Specifically, it forces her to acknowledge that certain events, like divorce or cancer, are beyond her control. While she can’t dictate how the events unfold (“the plot”), she can still influence how she responds (“the soundtrack”). Loretta’s influence helps Anna find comfort and empowerment in choosing how she frames her experiences, even if she cannot control the events themselves.

“As my hands start to warm the cold material, the infinite possibilities hidden in this lump of brown clay make my fingers dance with anticipation.”

Will’s gift of the clay set sparks Anna’s growing sense of agency and creative potential. The moment symbolizes the beginning of a transformation—both within the clay and herself—as she is taking something inert and giving it life. The hidden possibilities in the clay reflect a sense of freedom and potential that Anna is beginning to see for herself; she is not just passively engaging with the clay but actively embracing the creative process with enthusiasm and hope for its “infinite possibilities.” The quote also uses personification, describing her fingers as dancing in anticipation.

“I clap my hands, inexplicably excited about my new role as Michael’s personal Emma.”

The reference to Emma by Jane Austen is a literary allusion to the protagonist of the same name, who is known for her matchmaking efforts, often with misguided or unintended results. The allusion relates to Anna’s search for love. Anna jumps at the chance to help Michael navigate online dating as it gives her a break from focusing on her romantic life. The moment also highlights that while online dating wasn’t right for Anna, was helpful to some, including Michael, who has niche interests.

“My life already feels like one long fake date.”

Anna reveals her sense of disconnection and dissatisfaction with the dating project. It feels inauthentic and performative, and she goes through the motions without truly engaging with her emotions or desires. The passage alludes to the fake dating trope often seen in romance novels. Though Anna is upfront with the men she dates that she’s doing research for her column, she still feels discomfort with the process, as if she is playing a role rather than living authentically.

“[F]alling in love feels like gazing up at a dark sky. First, there is nothing but blackness, then gradually your eyes adjust, a few stars come into view, then suddenly, you see everything—thousands of stars, an infinite spectrum of light.”

Anna’s description of falling in love illustrates the gradual and transformative nature of her emotional connection with Will. The initial darkness symbolizes the emptiness or uncertainty before love fully takes hold. The imagery conveys the early moments of attraction that gradually grow stronger and lead to the expansive feeling of love once it fully unfolds as if it reveals a vast, rich world previously hidden.

“In his hands, my body feels like a Ferrari, long parked in a dusty garage, now being driven by a Formula 1 driver who knows exactly how to handle one.”

Sex with Will awakens Anna physically and emotionally. By employing a simile comparing her body to a neglected Ferrari, she highlights that she is valuable, powerful, and capable of greatness but only now adequately appreciated and activated. Anna feels both seen and awakened by Will’s attentiveness, akin to a professional Formula 1 driver’s skill. This highlights a newfound sense of pleasure previously untapped. Will guides and unlocks the potential of her desire in a way that feels both thrilling and transformative.

“Dating is as much about discovering yourself as it is about finding a partner.”

Anna’s epiphany reflects what she learned through her experiment: Dating is a journey of self-discovery and relational exploration, not just finding a romantic partner. Anna’s dates have forced her to reevaluate her desires, boundaries, strengths, and vulnerabilities. Engaging with others became a mirror, revealing aspects of herself that she’d once ignored. Dating taught Anna how to connect with another person and understand her emotional needs.

“We exchange a meaningful look, a bridge built over something that was broken.”

The bridge metaphor conveys how Anna and Dan, through their conversation about Dan becoming a dad again, repair the emotional wounds the divorce left. They successfully navigate the emotional distance that existed before, building the bridge. Their unspoken communication reveals the emotional healing that takes place through their honest and open communication about why their marriage ended and how they can move forward positively. This allows Anna to find some resolution regarding the challenges of navigating life after divorce.

“I was a broken shell when Dan left. Piece by piece I’ve put myself back together, I’ve regained control of my life, of my heart.”

This passage captures Anna’s journey from emotional devastation to healing. Initially, she uses a metaphor comparing herself to “a broken shell” post-divorce. The imagery conveys the fragility she experienced and the gradual nature of the recovery process, akin to putting herself together piece by piece. This highlights the effort and time Anna needed to rebuild after heartache. It shows that Anna reclaims her agency by regaining emotional stability and a sense of empowerment rather than jumping into another relationship to “fix” her.