I Let You Go

On a cool morning in August, Jenna struggles with her lock and takes Beau, the dog, outside. She relates that she is afraid to get close to him, despite his crying at night because he wants to sleep with her. She is busy these days, taking orders for postcards and pictures through her homemade website. Her new business is called Written in the Sand, and she goes out early to take her pictures before the beachgoers come.

As she is working, she sees a man who makes a familiar movement and thinks she knows him. She panics, and then he calls her name. It is Patrick Mathews. She apologizes for not recognizing him: “Patrick’s smile is warm, but I’ve been taken in by a warm smile once before” (121). She is reassured by Beau’s relaxed manner, and Patrick seems at home on the beach.

He asks about what she’s working on. She tells him that people send her messages they want written on the sand. She lays the words out, takes a picture of them and sends it to her customers. She says they are mostly love letters and marriage proposals, but it’s different every time. He is amazed by her job. He is there himself because he had to release a bird; after they are injured and rehabilitated, he brings them back to the same spot they were found so they have a better chance of survival.

He remembers her saying she is new to the area and asks where she lived before. Though she has a story prepared, his phone rings and he has to take it. He’s on call and must go.

Back at her cottage, Jenna continues her work and finds her box of memories. It is full of photographs, and she looks at one in which she is pregnant. She puts it away but feels full of sorrow. When Beau ignores her command to go downstairs, she screams at him, but he drops and crawls to her: “The fight leaves me as fast as it arrives” (126). She strokes him, crying. 

After he gives Kate a big job, Ray asks her out for a drink after work—this is now a common occurrence, so they can work on Jacob’s case after hours. But lately, they are talking more about their personal lives rather than the case. It turns out they are both Bristol City fans, and he is now enjoying the time before he has to go home.

They talk about cases, including one involving a drug dealer’s girlfriend. There is a moment in which their eyes meet and he feels her skin on his, and it is awkward. They have found nothing new about Jacob’s case, but Ray is glad they keep working on it because now they feel they have done everything they could do. Kate says, “I guess you’re not the chief’s yes-man after all” (130).

She asks how things are at home, and Ray says it’s the same. Six weeks into the new school year, Tom is skipping classes. He and Mags met with teachers again, and Ray worried so much about missing the appointment that he worked from home. Ray doesn’t think the teachers are doing enough. The teacher, he says, believes Tom is “subversive” and a bad influence on the rest of the class. Kate wonders where Tom got that from; Ray teases her back. He offers to give her a lift home to Clifton.

Once there, Kate offers to let him up to see the place. He says he’d like that, so he follows her up to her top-floor apartment. They kiss.  

After this year, Jenna’s grief has changed. Beau has helped her through her nightmares and now sleeps in her bed. They go to the beach so she can write. A man comes toward them, and she realizes again it is Patrick. “I can’t hide my smile, and although my heart is racing, it isn’t through fear” (135).

He asks if she’d like an apprentice. She is uncertain if he is making fun of her, but he wants to help. They joke about the meaning behind the messages her customers want, and he accidentally falls into the writing. He writes a message in the sand: “Drink?” (137). She agrees, but that evening Jenna is so anxious, she is shaking. She thinks back to less complicated times.

They meet at the caravan park and talk as they walk toward the Cross Oak, where Dave Bishop is the landlord. Everyone knows Patrick, and the conversation makes Jenna anxious again. Patrick introduces her to some others, saying that she has been building a business and hasn’t had time to meet many people. Patrick tells her many stories and local history tidbits, and tells her about his childhood. She is interested, because she can’t imagine having a close relationship with her parents: “Perhaps if my father had stayed, things might have been different” (141). Also, she is afraid the conversation will turn to her if she stops asking him questions.

He tells her to be careful swimming at the Penfach beach, because “the undercurrent is fierce” (142). In conversation, she reveals that she doesn’t get along with her mum because she threw her dad out when Jenna was fifteen, and she never saw her “amazing” father again. She also says she had a falling out with her mother, and then her mother died. She thinks now the evening will now get more awkward as Patrick learns more unsavory things about her. She tells Patrick she should be getting back home.

He says he will walk her home, but this sets off warning bells. She refuses his offer and runs home. 

Ray awakens, wondering why he is feeling so much guilt. Then he remembers. Mags wakes slightly, so he tells her he is going in to work early, and she goes back to bed. He does paperwork and has lunch with Stumpy, but fights nausea all day. Kate joins them in the cafeteria just as Stumpy leaves him. He starts out: “About last night…” (148). Kate apologizes and admits embarrassment, then adds, “But it was just a kiss” (148). He thinks it will be all right; they are adults. They agree to forget about it.

They talk about Jacob’s case. Kate wants to know if they can do an anniversary appeal, now that it has almost been a year. He agrees it’s a good idea. Ray has trouble forgetting about the kiss, though.

Later, Kate comes into the office as Ray is talking with Olivia about the anniversary appeal. The chief shows some initial resistance and mentions that the chief inspector boards are coming up. If he’d rather focus on an old case, she says, maybe he shouldn’t take on the bigger job she was going to offer him. He says he can do both. Olivia agrees, but only to one article and a few roadside appeal banners, to be up for less than a week. He tells Kate; they banter a bit about politics and promotion.

He has already spoken to the Post about running the story; they will talk to the teacher at Jacob’s school instead of the mother. This is their last-ditch effort to solve the case, “but at least it was something” (153).