Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

Dr. Becky Kennedy professes in the Introduction that she steers away from mainstream and commonly suggested behavioral modification techniques and strategies that involve reward and punishment. While she was initially trained in these parenting approaches, she realized that they didn’t feel right to her and developed a different approach rooted in attachment theory, the internal family systems model, and mindfulness. This eventually birthed the “Good Inside” approach, which began as parenting advice doled out on social media before evolving into parenting workshops, a podcast, and ultimately this book.

Dr. Kennedy’s approach is part of a growing trend in parenting, especially among millennial parents, termed respectful parenting or “gentle parenting.” The approach eschews traditional forms of reward and punishment and other direct behavioral approaches in favor of examining the feelings and motivations that underlie behavior, which encourages both parents and children to be more self-aware (Moscatello, Caitlin. “Welcome to the Era of Very Earnest Parenting.” The New York Times, 13 May 2023). “Gentle parenting” encompasses a number of different emotionally focused parenting styles, some of which are criticized as being permissive. However, Dr. Kennedy firmly asserts that her approach does not equal permissiveness; being an empathetic parent does not mutually exclude holding firm boundaries with children.

Nevertheless, millennial parents increasingly favor this approach to parenting. Each generation has had a significant touchpoint or reference to help them make sense of parenting: Boomers (and those before them) had Dr. Benjamin Spock; Gen-Xers had Harvey Karp; and, thanks to social media, millennials have a wide range of experts and “influencers” to seek advice from, with gentle parenting appearing to be the trend. Another popular Instagram account in the same vein as Dr. Kennedy’s is “Big Little Feelings,” created by Kristin Gallant and Deena Margolin, which focuses on how to address the expression of big feelings in children. There are even accounts or experts focused on specific childhood or parenting issues, such as “Solid Starts” for food and eating habits, “Busy Toddler” for thoughtful play, or “Hey Sleepy Baby,” which normalizes infant sleep (Moscatello).

Earnest, mindful parenting appears to be a response to the “highly anxious, carrot-and-stick reward-and-punishment style” that many middle-class Americans, in particular, may have grown up with (Shafrir, Doree. “Dr. Becky Has Become the Millennial Parenting Whisperer.” Time, 26 June 2021). It also contrasts with the “helicopter parent” approach, in which micromanagement of a child’s life leads to a perpetuation of both the parents’ and the children’s fears. The shift toward gentle, mindful parenting reflects the intention of a generation of parents to improve longstanding intergenerational patterns of communication and behavior and build stronger, healthier relationships with their children in the long term, rather than focusing on short-term behavioral change.