Black Girls Must Die Exhausted: A Novel

Tabby’s first-person narration illustrates how intersectionality issues complicate all aspects of her life. In the professional sphere, Scott Stone embodies a prime example of the intersectionality challenges that face women of color. He frequently interrupts Tabby during meetings and dismisses her perspective as being limited, and his rudeness in this setting demonstrates the cultural norm that encourages men to be assertive at the expense of their colleagues. However, Tabby’s reticence at the prospect of pushing back illustrates the reality that when women exhibit similar behavior, they can often be labeled as aggressive and pushy. Scott even goes so far as to invade Tabby’s personal space and adopt a condescending attitude when he touches her arm and tells her, “I mean, you can’t cover sports, we know that, and you’re always bringing up […] urban issues, in areas that most of our viewers don’t even care about” (182). With this problematic comment, Scott reveals his ignorant and prejudiced perspective, but when Tabby garners the news station the national spotlight and an Emmy award for her coverage of a racist incident of police violence, her perspective is vindicated even as she reveals Scott’s outlook to be fundamentally flawed. Chris’s choice to offer the promotion to Tabby instead of Scott also reflects recent improvements in workplace intersectionality complications, but despite these advancements, the issues remain far from resolved.

Moreover, Tabby’s daily interactions highlight the unique struggles that women of color face while simply existing in the modern world. For example, Tabby decides to peruse cosmetics while waiting for the pharmacy section of a drug store to clear out, and while she is there, security is called to watch her shop. Seeing this blatant evidence of systemic racism, Tabby suddenly “felt tired—too tired to wait. I decided that I was going to do what I wanted most. I was going to go home” (83). Working from racist stereotypes and prejudiced beliefs, strangers often act suspiciously and are wary of Tabby, occasionally even treating her like a criminal. These recurring microaggressions prove exhausting for Tabby, and in this instance, her fatigue overrides her decision to take preventative contraception. While she outwardly remains calm and collected in the face of systemic racism, the discrimination inwardly eats away at her, leading her to make reckless decisions.

In their personal spheres, all of the novel’s women characters must confront a sexist double standard in their relationships. Laila, Alexis, and Tabby detail the expectation to constantly forgive and look past mistreatment from their partners, while, for them, failure is not an option. For example, although Lawrence initially lies about his marital status, he expects Laila to continue their affair strictly on his terms, and he abruptly leaves her when she decides to keep their baby. Similarly, Alexis gives Rob countless chances to reform after he commits multiple infidelities throughout their relationship, and rather than improving his behavior, Rob blames Alexsis’s professional success for his low self-esteem and cites this issue as the reason why he seeks the companionship of another woman. Finally, Marc continues to approach Tabby romantically, even though she articulates a sense of betrayal over his lack of honesty about his hesitancy to become a father. Significantly, when female characters such as Jeanie and Granny Tab do decide to end their relationships, they do so somewhat shamefully. Granny Tab refuses to speak about her husband for decades, and Jeanie admits that she didn’t allow Paul the latitude to make mistakes, as Diane does. Although Laila, Alexis, and Tabby go above and beyond society’s expectations as wives and girlfriends, their husbands and boyfriends are often dismissive, dishonest, unsupportive, and disrespectful. The women are expected to forgive and accept this behavior endlessly and applaud their men for simply not being physically abusive or running away.

As the main characters navigate various conflicts unique to women, they demonstrate the powerful impact of support, solidarity, and empathy from other women. These powerful relationships span generations and cultural backgrounds. Most prominently, Tabby, Laila, and Alexis stand by each other in celebratory moments and times of need, and Tabby often reaches out to her friends before anyone else after a traumatic day. As she laments, “We’re just always caught right in the middle carrying a double, even triple, burden. […] “And never knowing which issue is the issue that’s going to get us what we need” (45). This passage describes her ongoing struggles with intersectionality. When Tabby understands her struggles and has her experiences validated, she feels lighter and more content. Thus, the three friends show solidarity by sharing each other’s conflict, and this dynamic shines through at the novel’s conclusion, for although Tabby decides not to burden Laila with Granny Tab’s funeral, not wanting to add to Laila’s emotional distress, Laila shows up at the funeral anyway.

Similarly, Granny Tab and Ms. Gretchen exhibit a relationship built on decades of shared experiences and kinship. Tabby recognizes the close bond that her grandmother cherishes, reflecting, “I understood why Granny Tab would want to stay close—she reminded me of a much older Laila” (58). Ms. Gretchen and Granny Tab often give Tabby conflicting advice, indicating that their relationship is not dependent on constant agreement. Ms. Gretchen and Granny Tab celebrate each other’s differences and conflicting preferences, a practice that Tabby eventually adopts with her friends. After Granny Tab’s death, Ms. Gretchen tells Tabby, “I […] miss my friend” (340), saying this “as if it was a secret that only [she and Tabby] were meant to share” (340). Although close female friends are not traditionally considered to be significant life milestones, these bonds prove pivotal for the characters’ life fulfillment. Tabby learns to prioritize and cherish her relationships with Alexis, Laila, and Ms. Gretchen as much as she would her career or a potential marriage partner.