Before I Let Go

Josiah is a driven, ambitious businessman and devoted father. At the beginning of the novel, he is struggling to adjust to the divorce and hoping a new relationship with his coworker, Vashti, will allow him to move on from his lingering feelings for Yasmen. Though he respects her deeply, Josiah initially struggles to trust Yasmen’s instincts and emotions; he tells her at one point she is “too sensitive” about Deja (894). Later, he realizes that his tendency to blame Yasmen for the divorce rather than empathize with her may be a quality he shares with his daughter.

Josiah struggles to face his own emotions and is dismissive of therapy, though he recognizes its role in Yasmen’s recovery. He agrees to go to therapy when he learns Kassim is struggling with lingering grief from their family’s recent losses. This teacher conference reminds them both that they are still effective collaborators in their parenting relationship, whatever their personal struggles. Later, Josiah imagines his therapist as “a hunter setting a trap,” not as a potential ally (1721). Eventually, therapy helps him realize that he still has lingering feelings for and attraction to Yasmen, and he also knows, “I can’t be in a relationship with someone else while I feel this way” (3010). In this new collaboration and openness, Josiah and Yasmen begin to plan their business expansion and finally discuss their divorce and Henry’s death. Josiah admits that therapy has shown him that his refusal to grieve was no healthier than Yasmen’s inability to function. Josiah’s best friend, Preach, is supportive of his therapy, gently reminding him of his tendencies to avoid his feelings.

Josiah increasingly comes to embrace his support systems and turns to his therapist for ideas about how to navigate a sexual relationship with Yasmen without a formal commitment. He begins to face his fears of vulnerability, which stem from being orphaned at a young age. The more time he and Yasmen spend together, the more open he is about his love for her and their family, openly naming the loss of Henry. When he cannot face Yasmen’s desire to recommit, Josiah turns to therapy rather than to his customary silence. He realizes that his lifelong fear of loss is the key obstacle to his lasting happiness. Josiah tells Yasmen that his epiphany is due to his therapist: “I needed to think things through, and […] he helps me do that” (5137). This admission, along with Josiah’s suggestion of couple’s therapy, assures the reader that he has truly accepted both his grief and the requisite tools to address and cope with it.

Deja’s younger brother, Kassim, is focused on science and academics. Yasmen affectionately reflects on Kassim’s “constant stream of factoids” (158). The Wades later discover that Kassim’s teacher believes he may benefit from grade acceleration, but only with appropriate supports for his lingering grief for Aunt Byrd and Henry. Kassim is sensitive and highly observant. He is initially alarmed at the suggestion he needs therapy, telling Yasmen, “I’m not falling apart” (1444). Kassim becomes more interested in therapy when Josiah agrees to go and admits that he, too, is not always in control of his emotions.

Later, at family Thanksgiving, Kassim mentions therapy as the thing he appreciates most in his life. This brings Yasmen and Josiah real peace and amicability. Kassim demonstrates, along with Deja, that helping their children is key to Yasmen and Josiah’s eventual reconciliation.

Yasmen and Josiah’s eldest child, Deja is a driven, moody adolescent who spends much of her time devoted to her potential career as a hair influencer. Deja resents Yasmen’s parenting and avoids spending time with her. She saves her sympathy for Josiah, telling him she supports his relationship with Vashti because: “Mom went crazy and ruined your life” (1050). Josiah repeatedly corrects her for minimizing Yasmen’s pain, but later he realizes Deja has feelings about the divorce he lacks context for, cryptically telling him, “You don’t have to defend her, Dad. I was there” (2423).

Later, Deja finds out Yasmen and Josiah are seeing one another again and becomes deeply angry. She’s unable to understand how her father can accept her mother back into his life. She confesses that she was present for their last fight and knows Yasmen asked for the divorce while Josiah resisted it. Yasmen tells Deja that she regrets the divorce and the power her depression had over the family, and Deja embraces her. The two later openly discuss Deja’s desire to attend public high school; Yasmen’s support helps restore their emotional bond.

One of Yasmen’s best friends, Soledad is a stay-at-home parent to her three daughters. She is a talented cook and interior designer. Soledad is multiracial, with one parent who is Black and Puerto Rican and one white parent. Hendrix, ever ambitious, urges Soledad to take her talents into a new career. Yasmen and Hendrix sense tension in Soledad’s marriage when she tells her husband that raising her family is only “one of [her goals], her tone laced with a bit of steel [Yasmen is] not used to from her” (3841). Yasmen admires Soledad’s parenting and focus on her daughters, and Soledad is equally compassionate and supportive of Yasmen’s own path.

By the end of the novel, Soledad has confessed that she thinks her husband is unfaithful, and Yasmen avoids dwelling on the topic. These clues hint at Soledad’s forthcoming story in Ryan’s next Skyland novel, 2024’s This Could Be Us.